Fear: #kinderblog13 Challenge Five

Sometimes we need to push past the fear of the unknown so that we can forge our path.

This week's #kinderchat blog challenge is to write about fear.  I'm afraid of many things, some irrational and some not.  

I'm afraid to walk too close to the edge of the eL platform even after living in Chicago for 8 years because I'm convinced I'll fall onto the tracks (and that it won't be all awesome and romantic like it is in "While You Were Sleeping").  Small talk makes me frantic; I can speak eloquently about my work and child development, but talking about the weather and what teams are doing well is so awkward. Doing art in front of people makes me clammy and crazy embarrassed.  

Yet, I take the eL several times a day.  I must if I want to experience life in this crazy city I live in.  And I network and attend conferences and talk about the weather and people's children and what movie I'm planning to see over the weekend.  How else will I build relationships and make connections?  And I paint and sculpt and draw and make paper in front of both friends and strangers every day.  If I can't let go of my embarrassment over my lack of artistic talent how can I expect my students and families to take risks and try new things?

Fears are not inherently bad.  In fact, a little fear is a good thing, it provides perspective and keeps us from doing some stupid and dangerous things.  It's when the fears keep you from forging your path and living your dreams that they become a problem.  

I've been feeling a little overwhelmed (dare I say fearful) by the expectations of me and opportunities I have been given.  Parents and other professionals ask me questions about child development, I am given chances to present at conferences, and my mentors tell me they will go to bat for me in the job search and offer me opportunities to work with them.  I'm blessed.  But I'm also terrified that I will not know the answers and that I will be exposed as a fraud.  And I have to get over it.  I'll keep the fear because it keeps me modest and reflective, but I can't let it keep me from following the professional path I want to walk.

I want to grow and lead and try new professional challenges.  Fears and all.