|I really lucked out with this shot at the beach. It's kind of breathtaking.|
And of course, there are still many changes still in progress. Obviously there are the big changes still ahead (starting a new job, somewhere, sometime and starting a new decade of life), but there are also the small changes, those habits of mind, that need to be cultivated before the large changes can happen. Specifically, I am trying to be more open minded and forgiving...of myself.
I am constantly giving others another chance, another opportunity to grow and change, another stab at friendship when I've been let down, but I don't give myself those same passes. When I don't interact in the manner I would like with a family at the museum, when I have an awkward interaction with a colleague, when I disappoint a supervisor; I dwell on these moments. I agonize over these moments. I do not let them go; I do not forgive myself. And this is something that needs to stop. Both for my own peace of mind, but also for my professional life. How can I give the best of me to children and families if I don't give the best of me to me?
I am also trying to be more open minded, flexible may be a better word, in terms of my future. At graduation, I had a strong opinion of what it is I would be doing in the next stage of my professional life. I had come to this decision after a year of internship and fellowship and reflection. I had a plan, darn it, and being a high achieving brat, those plans were going to happen. Because I said so! Well, we all now what they say about man making plans. I've spent the summer frustrated and sad and completely unsure of my future. And then a classmate called me and told me of a job opportunity she wanted me to consider applying for. She told me to just listen (she had been in seminar with me for a year, so she's quite familiar with my plans) because she really thinks this is a good opportunity for me to explore. So I listened. And I reflected. And I decided to be more flexible in my plans and to apply for the job and see where it takes me. Is it what I want? Not exactly, but it's also not what I don't want. And maybe that's okay; I know my non-negotiables, those things that I definitely don't want, and this job has none of them. In fact, parts of it are very appealing. Maybe the fact that I don't not want it is a good start to being flexible. I have an interview Monday and as part of changing these habits of mind, I am being flexible with my thoughts going into it.
Because, it may end up being something I do want and I can't let the fact that it doesn't fall into the plans I had in May detour me.
So, thanks for hanging in there for this rambling post on change. But seriously, those habits of mind, I think they are the hardest things to change, but the most important. And the same can be said for our students and colleagues. No real change can happen until with shift our mindsets.
|He had no idea that I took this photo. It's so optimistic; thought it was fitting.|